I'm starting to feel like I just want her to leave me alone.
I like being her friend but I keep having her drunk self thrust upon me and I don't like that. And I don't want to have to deal with all of her problems all the time.
If she's going to be self destructive then I'd really like her to not make me aware of it because it makes me feel helpless and useless and anxious and uncomfortable. I have my own problems, especially this year, and I really can't afford to have her taking up all my time. She doesn't ask for my time or anything but she just never stops being hard work.
I used to have one conversation that she wasn't in and I knew I was being selfish by not adding her. I knew it was mean. But I really didn't want to add her because it was my escape. I could talk to them and not think about her or her problems. I could have conversations lightheartedly and not feel guilty about having my own problems. But the other people know her, they added her and they were right to.
But now I just don't know where to go or what to do.
It's really hard to deal with all of my own yr 12 stuff and problems with feelings as well as worrying about her being dead one day.
I'm far too angry about this probably but I never complain to her about it and it affects me and maybe she should think about me.
Maybe she should listen to me when I have problems if she expects me to stay on the phone to her all night when she drinks too much and she's alone and scared.
She just went offline and I'm glad and I hope she doesn't come back.
I've stopped caring that this is mean, I just wanna feel like I have a life of my own instead of just being her support.
