toast with jam

wow that title is so lewd lololololol.

I love making jokes to no one about things barely anyone understands.

But yeah, I'm talking about jam again.

I went to a party this weekend that he went to too. And it was a valentines party - kinda. I'd written him a valentine letter thingy but i was too scared to give it to him. I didn't even talk to him that much. I did a bit. I just feel so boring when I try to talk him.

Anyway, the point of this story is that for a while I really felt like he liked me. And then I didn't talk to him for a while because school and because I felt like I was being annoying. And he didn't talk to me either. And then I was feeling really terrible about it because I tend to exaggerate things when I don't see/talk to the person.

When we went to tara's after the party she said I should give him the letter next time I see him. Also I wrote a thing and put it on the shipping wall. So he's seen my message now, it's just anon. Also it's a bit silly because I was drinking when I wrote it.

He started uni today and I sent him a message wishing him a good first day and he said "haha thanks :)" and basically I've interacted with him more in the last week than the two weeks previous. Which is nice. But now that he's started uni he might be all crazy busy. I know I'll see him in two weeks at may's though. Which is nice and I'm looking forward to it. But I'm scared because I'll have to make myself give him the letter.

Last night I was being all silly about him and listening to love songs and watching the lightning and blah. Being a huge teenagery douche. It's a strange thing to think I'm older than him. Because I can't imagine him being as immature as me. Maybe he is and I just don't know it. He's only 16. 16!

Then there's hugh and I am an awful person because I can't tell him to back off. I'd feel too mean for it but it's probably worse to let him keep pushing it like he is. bluh. I like the attention too much.

Now I'm ganna try to do yr 12 amongst all this internal conflict and emotional stuff all up in my brain. I have never been the kind of person who bought into all this stuff. I don't have crushes. Oh well. I have to say I kind of like it. Even if half the time I'm worried he doesn't like me. He always makes me happy. He's far funnier and smarter and awesomer than me.

Wow, now I just feel like he's way out of my league. Probably is. He's a super cool hipster, no matter how much he denies it. I even like his instagram. And his random guitar playing in public. And his hair. bluh. I have too much spare thinking time.

tl;dr: steph likes jam and doesn't know if he likes her back, angst ensues.