I should be doing homework

I am actually embarrassed that I'm this focused on him all the time.

This weekend was actually the best thing ever. I was so fucking happy when I got to hug him and sleep next to him. Even if he might've wanted me to just go away.

And Sunday was so lovely. But when he left I just felt like shit. We went to get food and I couldn't help talking about him. I was so close to crying. In the middle of grill'd on a perfectly nice night with amazing friends and really nothing to complain about. Because he went home. And I was too scared to say anything again.

I'm so sure he knows now. I mean, I spent half the night cuddled up to him in the spa and even with the excuses of cuddling everyone else and lack of sobriety I don't think I'm going to get away with that. Or lying on top of him while he was playing pokemon. Even if he was cold.

I might be imagining it but I feel like he avoids talking to me a bit. Probably because I make him uncomfortable.

I just wish this was easier. I wish writing this out didn't make me cry. I wish I could tell him. I wish everything could be as good as it was on that ride yesterday. Because I honestly don't think I've ever been happier.