Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I am actually happy today, despite this.

*This blog is me being the kind of person I get annoyed at, keep that in mind.*

So... I sometimes wonder how other people think of me. Not like, if they think I'm nice or anything (althought that too) I think about whether they care about me. Because I really care about people. It's almost ironic that one of my friends said in a speech that I don't care what other people think of me. I sometimes think it's the people who don't seem to care that care the most. I spend way too much of my time caring.
I think I might be a natural stalker or something because I like to know what people are doing... I'm so weird.

I don't know if people feel anywhere near how I feel about my friends. I value every second I spend with them. When I get an email from a friend I can't help but smile. I try my hardest to spend time wiht them because that's what makes me happy. Sometimes it feels like they do not like being with me.
I'm aware that I can be very annoying. I tell stupid stories and I never shut up. Annoying. But I try really hard to stop doing things like that coz I know they annoy people. I want people to want to be around me. There are times when I try to figure what makes me want to be with people so that I can do it too.

I'm so clingy and annoying and ridiculously jealous.
My friend tells me she's going somewhere with another of my friends, I must be there.
I'm terrified of being left out and not being friends with them anymore.
I want them to ask me to do things with them, because they want to be around me.

Complain, complain, complain.
Dude, I really never shut up.

This blog makes no sense because I'm babbling.
And yes, I am showing this to my friends because I want them to know and I could never say this stuff to them in person.
My biggest worry right now is that they'll see the link to my blog and ignore it.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Thirty Days of Music (in one)

People on facebook are doing this 30 day song challenge thing and so I decided to do it but, as we all know, I am shit and doing things with any sort of consistancy. Therefore I will be doing all of it in one go! woot!

I'll give youtube links to the songs but I can't get hyperlinks to work so... dang.

day 01 - your favorite song: The World's Still Ending but it's Cool - Blue Skies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w5ciMMVKcxg

day 02 - your least favorite song: Thao with The Get Down Stay Down - When We Swam. I don't know why, I just hate this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjzKkyQoe1U

day 03 - a song that makes you happy: CANDYPOP - Heatsdales Feat. SOUL'd Out . Always makes me happy. So does the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpngPL1-Fq4

day 04 - a song that makes you sad: This one was a toss up so I've gone for two. Both songs have made me cry, one I wrote about in my last blog so I wanted to give a new one but I thought they bothe deserved a mention.
Alaska - Blue Skies
Dinosaur - Kisschasy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kHtxxv3qYo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-Qs5Wgp4Qw

day 05 - a song that reminds you of someone: Bad Romance - Lady Gaga. From a whole night singing this song loudly and badly with Alex. In the fort. That I made. When I was 15.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrO4YZeyl0I

day 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere: I'm on a Boat - The Lonely Island. Camp this year in the mounrtains. I don't know the exact location but it was pretty. We altered it to be "I'm on a Horse"... horse riding camp.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avaSdC0QOUM

day 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event: Where's Margo - Hank Green. Reminds me of eating pepermint slice on the poppet head in the wind. Then getting into the video :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MKbMWOBlWA

day 08 - a song that you know all the words to: I know all the words to a lot of songs, I'm good with lyrics, but one that I'm really proud of is Nape of the Neck - Miku Hatsune (はすつねみく)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNrBkQoc_-U
... but I don't sing it near japanese people.

day 09 - a song that you can dance to: CHALLENGER - Diggy MO. Epic song. In japanese. So awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nBL8pLcX14

day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep: Ironically, it's called Say Awake - Lydia. So lovely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSRYo0vrNa8

day 11 - a song from your favorite band: I don't have a favourite band but I do really like Blue Skies' covers (and orignals), so Flathead - The Fratellis, covered by Blue Skies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8WpxgDh5Rs

day 12 - a song from a band you hate: Only Girl (in the world) - Rihanna. No words decribe how much I hate it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLBH-l-2ZM05k

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure: If you could read my mind - Stars on 54

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lwvPFk77l8

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love: Pricetag - Jessie J Feat. B.o.B. My sister kept playing this until I liked it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lwvPFk77l8

day 15 - a song that describes you: Happy Medium - Julia Nunes. I dunno really, I just relate to this song and the whole happy medium thing. Good song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFfvrY2hk7o
... someone filmed her singing it so it's not perfect but it's still good.

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate: Accio Deathly Hallows - Hank Green. I don't so much hate it as I've just listened to it too many times. I skip it on my ipod.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvvFiZyEyTA

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio: Snoop Dogg - Sweat (David Guetta Remix). I only listen to the radio in the car but this is on the radio soooooo often.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnEXrbAQyIo

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio: Don't unplug me - ALL CAPS. Coz really, how awesome would that be?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_51Hs56wW4

day 19 - a song from your favorite album: Chemical Love - Charlie McDonnell. His album is lovely. Also I don't have a lot of albums.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAigCKiqYvw

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - False Pretense. I listen to it at other times too but it's a good angry song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiCZdvQXULE

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy: Saskia Hamilton - Ben Folds and Nick Hornby.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JP5lUN_4Eo

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad: Butterfly in the Breeze - Eddplant. It's kind of pessimistic so when I'm sad I listen to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDIND1F7FR8
... starts about 1:40

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding: In the Shadows - The Rasumus. Love this song. Inside jokes from yr7 FTW!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ao2u7F_Qzg

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral: Once more with feeling - Blue Skies cover (Get Cape, Wear Cape, Fly). So pretty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzOcC1kKwXQ

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh: Fever for the Flava - Hot Action Cop. Hilarity at it's best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAURo0rwt6g

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument: Hot Cross Buns.

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play: July - Ryan Seiler. Recent adition to my music but I love it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_HJgvmEYJM

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty: Just A Little Girl - Trading Yesterday. There's a line in this song that says "You could never understand the demons that I've faced." I feel like I can't help my friends when they need(or needed) me because I just can't understand. So I feel guilty for being so ever-happy andd ever-optimistic. :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aWqx6cmIrs

day 29 - a song from your childhood: From Little Things Big Things Grow - Paul Kelly. My dad always used to sing it to me and change the words to "From little Stephs big Stephs grow".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tHEGo-g3mw

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year: Talking Bird - Death Cab for Cutie. I had the demo from one of their EPs I bought. It's just nice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk4LAVfbn5E


There. Thirty days of music in one go.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Dinosaurs

I am such a weak sook sometimes. This song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-Qs5Wgp4Qw makes me cry every time I hear it. Without fail. I don't even have a reason to be crying. I think it's just coz I really like dinosaurs but awwwwww.

So, yeah, just been crying because of it. I love it anyway.


I'll think of something else to make this interesting...


nope. I've got nothing can't you see me baby :P

blahhhh

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Wahoo, Easter

Firstly, Sydney. I got stuff :D Namely three mannga and a comic book, a dress, some pants, two pairs and shorts and some thongs. We went to my sister's diving comp and DFO and Bondi and the Bridge the Easter fair.

Speaking of Easter, Happy Easter. Today was pretty boring for me because I was at my auntie's house and had nothing to do. Also I was really tired because last night I was up late watching Lucky Star, I forgot it was Easter.

Tomorrow I get to wake up at the ungodly hour of 5am to go to the ANZAC day dawn service. It also happens to be my mum's birthday, so I feel pretty sorry for her getting up so early. And to top it off for the rest of the day we're driving to Mansfeild to look at a horse to buy for me.

Good times. Want more holidays. Haven't started homework. Need to clean room. Want to watch more anime. Want more sleep.

At this point of the holidays, especially after first term, I always feel like I would rather die than go back to school. I really can't be bothered being smart or hard working. Why can't I just fail everything and nobody care. And while we'reat it why can't I have millions of dollars for nothing.

Maaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Sydney

Oh I fail at blgging often.

But give me a break, i'm in Sydney and my dad doesn't like to buy internet codes from our hotel.

Today I:

swam at bondi
got a dress
drank lindt hot chocoalte
got three manga and a book
got very sleepy.


Yeah, I'm tired.


More blogging when I'm back

Byebye

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Lists

BLODA two, I think we can already see why I didn't do BEDA. I missed at least one day... in the holidays the days melt together.

I did have a list of ideas of blog topics. The only problem with that is that I wrote the list when I was sad and angsty and I've actually had quite a nice day so I'm not in the mood to write about my angst.

Instead I shall write about lists.

I quite like lists. They're really good for me because I forget things easily and think things constantly. I have been known to wake up in the middle of the night and write lists of things to remember on my hand without turning on the light. Needless to say they make little sense. I even wrote a list last night about the things I should do today. It looked like this:

Things For Tomorrow
- organise H/W - pack it - get some done
- pack clothes etc.
- pop goes punk - or something + music
- midoka - download anime, gintama? BRS? Hetalia?
- blog
- FF, dA

To clarify, I'm packing because I leave for Sydney tomorrow and have to do my homework while there.
Pop goes punk is a CD and I wanted to get some music for the trip.
Madoka is an anime my friends keeping talking about so i was going to look it up.
Blog is... uhh this.
FF= Fanfiction, I was ganna write some, dA= Deviantart, I'm always on there.

This typing really fails to capture the thing I love about my lists which is the format. I always have bits coming off my dot points and weird squiggly lines that I make up a meaning for. It just works really well for my brain because it's an expression of the thoughts that come from my brain. Pure brilliance :P

If you're wondering I did organise my books but I didn't do any packing (we don't leave until 3 tomorrow anyway). I got heaps of new music and organised the folders and playlists. I looked up Madoka but didn't download any anime, I did get a myanimelist ( http://myanimelist.net/profile/stephable ) account though. I am writing a blog and I checked dA all day. I haven't written FF yet but plan to after writing this (Want to read my FF? http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2702933/Stephable ).

So lists. They are good. If you like lists then you might like this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY9xWb_xkms

Or this blog, they post people's lists:
http://todolistblog.blogspot.com

That's right, I have list resources. Lists are helpful things :D

End List Blog

Thursday, April 14, 2011

BLODA - A stolen concept

Blog
Lots
Of
Days in
April

Yeah, It's an idea stolen from meekakitty only she's doing it in vlogs. It's basically the cheaters way of doing BEDA. I'm mainly doing it because I'm going slightly crazy alone in my house and want someone to talk to. I realise that there will probably never be anyone reading this but for the purposes of my own self esteem and ease of writing I will pretend I have an infinite amount of readers bursting to know every tiny thought that passes through my head. If you are a person and you do happen to be reading this I will try to be witty and insightful for your benefit.

Onto my first blog: An Annoying Teenager being Emotional


This year I started year 11 and while I'm coompletely happy with all of my subjects I can't help but miss the core classes that I used to have. We used to have a class that we were with for at least a few classes that meant we got to bond and understand class dynamic and for me it meant being with my friends.

This year I do different subjects to my friends because I do lots more sciencey things and my friends do more design subjects. I do see my friends of course my there's only one friend (close friend) who's in any of my classes at all. Lately I've been feeling very cut off from them all. I feel like the only person I talk to anymore is the friend i have classes with and when I talk to my other friends I fell as if I have to get her to pass messages because I don't see them.

In a way I feel disconnected from all of them because they spend so much more time with each other than with me that when I do get the chance to talk to them I usually end up lost in jokes I missed and continued conversations I never heard the begginning of. I have friends in all of my classes.

I could easily move into their groups. But i want to stay with the friends I have now. I really love my friends.

Being connected means a lot to me and losing it is kind of killing me.



So, YAY for slightly depressing first post in ages, let's hope I clear it up. I feel better just expressing it anyway. There's plently more of that kind of crap in my head so if you want more you're in luck.

Until next time, probably soon.